Controlling Anger…

push 2

There was a conversation I had recently with a group of persons about dealing with Anger, and guess what they said, particularly one married man among them and gosh, I was sad! He (they) said if the lady he (they) is/are dating is proving stubborn or from time to time provokes him (them), he (they) would beat her up at least once so she understands and learn to start behaving. This was as against what I was advising them that in such situation, they ought to leave that scene for a while to calm their nerves in order to avoid afterwards regrets and Wait, you knew of her own anger issues too before getting married, why then did you go ahead knowing you couldn’t tolerate her? He wowed me by saying he wanted to help her learn manage her temperament, by beating?? (Ladies, please, know you know the reason this guy wants you in his life!) The married man was so bent on his decision to make her stop provoking him by beating her and this I term ‘Domestic Violence’ and believe me, that’s how it erupts.

struggle

You know, I’ve encountered other persons with Anger Issues and I know my dear, I know from what they’ve confessed to rather not have that temper disorder in their lives. You know, you do something and at that point, hell, nobody can correct you, nobody can calm you down, nobody can explain to make you see reasons as to why something/somebody that caused the anger happened that way. But right after you might have yielded to this devil (temper/anger) and reacted irrationally/badly (because that is always the results of reacting in anger; not in your right state of mind), you then come to realize how horribly far you had gone in your reacting, after which regret sets in.

One key way I can recommend for controlling Anger is YOU. Yes, I mean help from yourself. Efforts you (can) make to be better. And I say PRAY to God about it, that can be an automatic reformation of behavior divinely. Then, be cautious of other seemingly  little areas as being patient. Like I’d always say, it takes you to make or mar you. It’s all on you to bring something to life/existence and also same you to destroy the very same thing. So, Watch It!

FULL FRONTAL WITH SAMANTHA BEE

To control anger, you’d also have to learn to not take things to heart. Nothing is worth worrying about! Don’t take offenses or insults or abuses/disregards coming from anyone or any situation seriously. It is really not worth it. It is just a form of how humans live/express their fluctuating nature which can be provocative. We are flesh and so, are bound to act as one but it takes a greater being to live above the flesh and this is basically by what you ‘feed’ yourself, what you take into your body and mind. And, the resulting factor in the case where it is a positive (good) intake causes Joy, Laughter, Peace… this simply says it; LAUGH MORE, ALWAYS, It helps control how you react to external factors.

calm

When you suddenly feel angered or disgusted by a fellow’s act, one thing that impulse should help you do is biting down on your lips. This controls your action (reaction) to that disgusting act committed. Like, you bite your tongue or lips down and you are stopped from saying words or doing stuffs you most likely would regret at the passing of that time.

Finally, I’d say; Never Do Transfer of Aggression. Each person has one thing or the other they are silently going through, having someone impose another responsibility especially one that wasn’t their doing or isn’t pleasant can be pissing and annoying at the same time. Something you don’t like has been done to you? Deal with it and Maturely too! Stay Awesome Fam.

Advertisements

On The Verge Of Anger!

call anger

On The Verge of Anger!

No, don’t you dare give me that! How dare you raise your voice at me! Hey, we are together but I’m still not your age mate! Hell, control your insecurity and stop constituting a nuisance! No, No, No, I won’t take that from you or anybody else! What!? Even my younger siblings won’t ever do that around/with me… who then are you to? Because we are dating?? I asked you to be here in less than 10mins, and so you unnecessarily kept me waiting!? Who the bloody hell is that guy that keeps calling you? You are a damn stack illiterate, despite how learned you may seem!? I hate your presence! Can you just get lost already!

Here, these and many more are expressions of anger … and trust me, that is how chaos starts!!!

ANGER —-> This is an irrational reaction to something seemingly unpleasant to you especially at that moment of reacting irrespective of the other party’s attempt to make you see reasons for the behavior, or their inability to justify an act of theirs.

Hey there… the above is my own simply put definition to give you an overall and uncomplicated clear picture of what being Angry is all about.

break anger

Somebody failing at a point to rationally complete/carry out an act or decision based on the inability of the other party to correctly behave in a particular way expected of him/her which then provokes the initial person; the offended with an urge to cause to harm/ hurt the other person and generally inflict pain and God so help them both, the offender also at that point decides to not want to take the blame/responsibility of the offense and stay stubborn. Then, … (You keep guessing what that can result in).

And hey still, the ‘offended’ there just might be the irrational person who isn’t able to see the real essence of the act of the so called ‘offender’.

Unfortunately, some kinds of anger are from within and the whole of the reason of that reaction can’t be explained because they are purely irrational. Those with this kind of anger just happen to have it in their nature which could be inherited, almost looking uncontrollable.

Guys, it is DESTRUCTIVE! It is unappealing! It is disrespectful! It is distasteful! It is unpleasant, not Romantic! It is consuming! It is energy exhausting! It is illogical! It is devilish! It is irrational- illogical! It is depriving, snatches what we ought to enjoy!  ….

destroy

Are you perhaps wondering why I have DESTRUCTIVE in block letters? Yes, I’d tell you… it is worst. Okay, don’t get me wrong here. I’m not telling you that’s the only worse result of Anger. No, I am saying from that generates even many more un-desiring and terrible outcomes that deter the smooth communication or existence of a (any) type of relationship.

ANGER is from the devil. LOL. I’m getting spiritual right? But yea, trust me on that.

Dearies, I really don’t want you getting bored at this point because I sure am trying to get at something with this article and so, I would be doing the concluding part of it Next Week Thursday as always. Do be in touch and Yes, I love you! It’s gon be a nice weekend ahead…

For The Sake Of Love…

Finally we have it here. How has the ride through this series being for you guys?

For The Sake Of Love 2…

Chapter 4
I was truly worried. I loved Amaka and had hoped it was going to be my final test of love in a relationship. I had told myself I was going to settle down with Amaka, but the whole turn of events made this thought almost impossible. Amaka at this time came to me, pleading that I turn a blind eye to the exposed secrets and the fact that she had even tried to conceal it (however she got to know I knew about it already I don’t know and maybe it was from my attitude and the distance I was now keeping from her). This just made it totally easy for Jenny to try carrying out her mission (getting me back). 

Amaka was willing to accept the child I have with Jenny. Could this be true love?. I knew the whole decision making was solely on me now, Amaka had succumbed. Lord, I need directions  (I prayed). I knew that should have been the very first thing to do even before entering the relationships I had had (Jenny, Amaka and Others), but it wasn’t too late. That I was sure.
Amaka remained loyal to me, was as calm as ever and was patiently waiting to know my decisions. Jenny still had her attitudes. There I knew I had my answers. Amaka had made mistakes in her past, she knew it and was sorry for it but we were in the present. I also had my faults, I should have know better but that was how life would have it. I had found love and wasn’t going to let it go without a good fight.

Hello peeps, so tell me… did you expect a different outcome of the story? And please let me know what you thought it would have been. What are the lessons you got from this series and how has it improved your way of loving?
Thank you so much for sticking around to the end of the series. Do keep in touch for more inspiring feeds. I appreciate y’all 🙂.

For The Sake Of Love …

Hello guys, how has this week been so far? You know, all the hustling and bustling, the chit-chatting, the stalking and picking up news around #winks. I’ve had quite a week and lemme let you know, that path has only just begun but I’ll definitely pull through!

So, we dropped off last week from…

young love

For The Sake Of Love 2…

CHAPTER 3

It looked just perfect. We could share our thoughts and emotions, since we both had a connection and were in the self-same situation. We became almost inseparable, always seen together, except when we had classes. Unluckily for us, our faculties were far apart. UNN is actually a big school, those who have been there will relate with what I am saying.

crosswalk love

*****************************************************************************************

We were in love and the world could see it, but just as suddenly as it had happened, it began to fall apart. My ex came back into the picture, the one girl I had always truly loved before I met Amaka of course, Jenny always messed with my head and she knew it. I hated the fact that I couldn’t get her out of my head. No matter how hard I tried, I was never able to. She knew this and just used her cards too well. She was back and in her words, she was serious “and would stop at nothing to get me all to herself”.

Amaka on the other hand had a rough past she never told me, She had on 3 different occasions, with 3 different guys had 3 successful abortions, the last of which according to the doctors, might hinder her chances of giving birth in the future. While me on the other hand, had a child with Jenny which I never mentioned to her. One way or the other we had both found out about our secrets, one which we never cared to mention all the while. We were in our final year in the university, being a Law student and she, an Engineering student, our courses were to take 5 years each. So we had inadvertently been dating for 2 years. We were serious, so this was an issue. We had lied about a very important aspect of our lives to each other, and now it was out in the open.

The once sweet relationship suddenly turned sour. Its blooming leaves began to dry up. Many invariable outcomes kept surfacing, the course of which were slim. Our chances? We were in love, but how far could we have gone FOR THE SAKE OF LOVE???

Feel free to drop your comments in the box below and find out what happened next in our final edition of the series.

Do enjoy the rest of this great week !

For The Sake Of Love…

Hello guys, taking it from where we dropped off on the long anticipated story-line on FOR THE SAKE OF LOVE 2…. You missed out on previous edition of this write? Do click on this link to refresh https://horptie.wordpress.com/2017/04/06/for-the-sake-of-love-2/ .Thank you!

long distance

For The Sake Of Love 2…

CHAPTER 2

True to her thoughts, Emeka was long gone. After waiting for more than 30 minutes, he gave up and concluded she was not going to show up. Amaka sat under the tree, depressed and in thoughts. Her worst fears had come back to hunt her again. Would she find somebody to love her? Someone who was going to listen to her? Emeka was a guy her friend hooked her up with, he had just come to Enugu for a business trip and was to travel back to Lagos within the next hour, so he had to leave for the airport. It was in this moments of gloom that I showed up. She contemplated on what reaction to give me, she tried to stay sad and angry at me for ruining her day, but she couldn’t. I had a smile on my face and she was loving it. Perhaps I could be a blessing in disguise after all.

distance

************************************************************************************

He had a huge smile and she loved the beam from it. We got talking and in about a short while became best of friends. One thing led to another and we were already in a serious relationship. It felt like we had known each other for such a long while. We talked about family and it happened to be that we were both orphans and found ourselves in the exact same situation. So there it was, a connection, a deeper one had just been found. At long last she had found someone she could talk to. A friend, a brother, a lover, perhaps a husband and partner.She felt totally on top of the world, in the skies to be precise. How she had longed for this moment, even if it had happened just in a pass, she knew she would hold onto it forever. But here it was, looking like a real forever. Oh how she loved him already and would do anything to keep it as that and if it meant being still and quiet about some exceptions…yes! She was willing to live the forever.

Hi guys… How do you think the rest of the story unfolded? Did it work out as she planned? Did it go beyond…good or bad? How far did it go and where? Stay ready as we conclude on the story in our next edition of “for the sake of love”.

The INTERVIEW…

This personality is somebody I know, for his honesty and bluntness and yes, he is also very nice. Which is the whole reason I chose to have this interview with him. Do bear that our guest will like to stay anonymous for reasons best known to him, but you can be sure to take his responses as a large sample size analysis. Experience, He’s Got!

next interview coverThe INTERVIEW.

ME: Hello, Mr B. How are you doing today?

Mr B: I am very well, thank you. And you?

ME: I’m good too, thanks. To not take too long of your time, we will go straight to the matter we have on ground. So, …

ME: What is a Dating Relationship to you?

Mr B: Being in a relationship with a person means having a connection with such person. By connection I mean a bond. You both understand each other.

ME: Okay. So it is not basically love, maybe at first sight? Could be intellect thereabout?

Mr B: There’s no such thing as love at first sight for me. You can fall in love with someone by merely seeing the person. The word ‘love’ is deep but sadly, it’s been abused. What you feel when you see someone for the first time is an attraction. An attraction that could stimulate feelings that overtime could run deep and nature into love.

ME: So, what does Marriage mean to you or what leads to Marriage for you?

Mr B: Marriage to me means commitment and sacrifice. When two people in a relationship agree and decide to put everything else aside and come together to live as one, that’s a sacrifice. To get married, you need to be in love.

ME: Are you a love fanatic? Do you solely believe love can work everything out in a relationship/marriage?

Mr B: Of course not. Love isn’t enough. There are things bigger than it.

interview marriage

Me: Tell me, should age mates marry each other? If no, why not?

Mr B: I won’t say they should. But yeah, they can. If they can tick all boxes. By the boxes, I mean whatever anyone needs to do before getting married. Then, why not.

ME: Do you think a relationship should kick off first from friendship then progress to dating and then courtship before marriage? Which would it be for you…friendship first before dating?

Mr B: Yeah. It’s unavoidable. You can’t marry a stranger. The moment you get talking, you’re friends already. You can’t date if you’re not friends. You don’t meet someone today and start dating on the spot.

ME: What is courtship?

Mr B: The period of time before marriage where both parties try to get to know each other before they get married. It’s the stage of asking questions and trying to know all they haven’t known about themselves. It’s just a formal way of knowing each other. But in actual sense, you get to know each other gradually from the day you first met.

ME: What do you think of spouse of same career getting married? From both the general outlook and personally. And what professions do you think it’s cool if they got married to each other?

Mr B: I’ll start from personally. I have nothing against it. I could actually do it. As for generally, there’s absolutely nothing wrong also. About professions, those in the commercial and arts category would be cool. Engineers or people in the Medical profession won’t be a good idea basically because of the amount of time they don’t have at their disposal as a result of their too busy schedule.

ME: Would you stay in a relationship or even mere friendship with someone out of pity? Or at your inconvenience?

Mr B: No I can’t do that. I’ll quit. Applies everywhere. I won’t be your friend out of pity.

ME: What stage/level of dating can you permit to while away time? Like how long can you stay in a relationship knowing you are just playing around?

Mr B: If we both admit it’s not a serious one, then we can go on. But if she thinks it’s serious, I won’t keep deceiving her.

ME: What!!! How can you tell if she’s thinking it’s serious?

Mr B: You’d know. Girls take almost anything seriously. So knowing if a girl is taking a relationship seriously isn’t an issue.

Me: Then it means you can date for fun… Shouldn’t dating be because you want something serious coming at the end of it?

Mr B: Yes I can date for fun. It all depends on how you define your relationship. If you both want something out of it, then at some point in time in the relationship you’d have said it.

ME: Wow… You must be a hell of a play-boy!

interview 2

ME: So, what do you feel about ‘Monitoring’ in a relationship? Your partner always wanting to know where you at, what you doing, with whom and the likes.

Mr B: It’s needed and unavoidable. But it could become too much and annoying. The limit is relative with individuals. Only specific scenarios and the exact person/how I feel about the person will tell how far I would tolerate.

ME: So you don’t think it is insecurity? Then what will you classify as insecurity.

Mr B: There’s a thin line between jealousy and insecurity. Some individuals have chronic insecurity issues, they feel it for no reason. But ideally, insecurity is as a result of events that might have led the insecure person to feel that way by his or her partner.

ME: What is your take on double dating?

Mr B: Not cool. Not good. It shouldn’t be done at all. Only players do it. It creates issues even when the relationship isn’t serious.

ME: For someone who can date for fun that’s quite a thought. Thank you so much for your time. It was an honor having you here but before you leave, could you please drop a word or two for our readers out there, advice… anything at all.

Mr B: They should endeavor to define their relationships before they go deep into it.

There you have it beloved…I hope you’d be rightly able to deduce from the above contents what you should do and be. Stay Awesome!

 

 

For The Sake Of Love…

chapter1love

For The Sake Of Love 2…

CHAPTER 1

I was feeling restless on one dull evening and decided to take a stroll to the restaurant close home. On my way down the lane, I looked up and there, I met her.

There was this uneasy feeling about how she was looking, she looked disturbed and worried. This was the same girl I had bumped into some time ago. Being the gentleman that I was, I felt I should walk up to her and cheer her up, though a bit reluctant at first, I eventually summoned up courage and walked towards her (after all, the worst she could do was to snub me, and thankfully, it wasn’t a crowded place).

As I moved closer, what my eyes saw was a lot more different from what I thought it saw from afar. She was a very pretty lady, her hair looked like gold, and her skin felt so supple I could pierce through them with my eyes. I continued to stare, little did I realize that I had stopped moving and she had raised her heads from her shoulder to see who was walking towards her. “Hi”, “hello” “errm” (I stuttered), this had never happened to me. I was always this confident when talking to a lady, I never looked for what to say. But for the first time in my life, I stood and talked, but nothing came out. “Hello”, she said, “how may I help you”? “Hi, I’m Jerry” and then just like that it all came back. I felt this adrenaline flow from my veins and all my confidence was there, right there that one would almost see physically.

Chapt1Love

*****************************************************************************

Amaka as she would eventually tell me was her name, has always had this fear of never finding love since her early days in the university. Growing up was hard, she lost her parents at a very tender age of 4 to a ghastly motor accident along Benin-Ore expressway, and got adopted by one of her rich uncles. Though comfortable, she never felt the love a child needed. Amaka’s adopted home already had 6 children in it. She struggled to get attention, despite being a victim of circumstance. She felt odd and yes she was. She knew she would hold dearly whatever little love she found.

I on the other hand, had just finished defending my project and felt this relief as that was what had been basically on my mind for the greater part of the whole session. The defense went well, I was able to successfully answer all questions thrown at me by 3 Professors, and about 5 Senior lecturers in the faculty, It was on my way to my apartment outside of the school that I had bumped into Amaka. She was half running half walking, where she could possibly be going to, girls like this shouldn’t go through so much stress, If only I had a car, I had thought to myself. She gasped for air and bent to gather her stuffs. I’m so sorry I said I rushed to pick her phone which was almost rolling into the gutter nearby. As I returned to give it to her our eyes met. For a moment none of us said a word, then I smiled and apologized one more time. Unknowingly to me, I was the same guy they always talked about in her room. Mr. Ebony as I was usually called (after winning all 3 awards in the department since my 100 level days in the University, I didn’t expect anything different really), and to think I was right there, standing and talking to her was enough to give her the jitters – I guess -. She returned the smile and hurriedly left before I could say any other thing. Not even a phone number? Will I ever see her again? I said to myself as I watched her jog down the road, her hips swaying in unison.

amakaLove

Amaka was in a hurry to meet someone, a certain Emeka she was supposed to meet about half an hour ago, obviously she was late and that was the reason she didn’t see me coming in the first place. Emeka might be the love she needed, the one to keep her fears at bay for as long as she could manage to hold him and her delay could have him angry and leave. As she ran, she told herself to forget whatever it is that just happened. It’s nothing, it’s the devil trying to prevent me from getting happiness, and she consoled herself.

What do you think happened next? Did she hook up with the waiting guy? How did the whole thing turn out? Find out in our next edition of “for the sake of love” next week.

Ciao!!! 🙂