In The Heat Of It All…

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In The Heat of It All…

What do you give permission to dictate your actions and reactions? Why flare up when you totally have no control over it? Why get or make others hurt when you could have reasonable talked it through? Why lash out when you know you still care? Why make room for regretful feelings when it can be worked on? Why the unjust reaction to something that was your fault but to avoid taking the fall, someone else gets the blame? Why not spill it all out to dissolve the hot silence?

In the heat of things is the moment to learn so many things. How is that possible… how does it work? Well here…

It is only reasonable to always stay logical. Why? We are different individuals with very different background and upbringing. Our ways of absorbing things, accepting things and doing things are apart. This is why we have to learn. Learning to tolerate, accommodate and appreciate someone other than ourselves. And this is irrespective of

Business team celebrating a triumph the kind of relationship you have with such individuals… it is called ’’living’’. Living right is associated with whether the other person receiving the action is deserving of it or not – which is what is expected of us all.

Choosing to remain unmoved, undisturbed and calm is a level of maturity that could take quite a while to attain but not unachievable. Acknowledging that not all people have reached or can reach that stage of maturity is a level of being wise. Committing to be good in all the circumstances that would be thrown at you from these underlying events is a level of patience. All these are essential attributes to being a better you and having a free-from-worry-and-hurts path to greatness.

Know when to speak… it saves life. Know when to stand your grounds… can be life/situation changing. Knowing when to show weakness… can be dignifying. Knowing to let it rest… can make room for new good chances.

I love you  🙂  .

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WHY DO GUYS CHEAT!?

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WHY DO GUYS CHEAT!?

So I have this amazingly pretty friend who on-lookers can consider to have the ’’have it all’’ qualities in both looks and attitude, and here her boyfriend is pretty much okay… not extremely fine as you would have wished for someone as her, lol. So this relationship I am speaking of here is on the verge of a break up and the perplex is “Hey, Why Is He Still Cheating? He has got it all in this lady… What Is His Stress or What More Is He Wanting?!!! And so many more questions rolling in the mind.

There are so many responses to give for the actions of cheating guys of which I’d share a little from my knowledge. But of course can’t be limited to these.

Some guys can be silly confusing, unpredictable, immature and unstable as many ladies emotional state has been described as from sample conclusion. So with a level of certainty, I say some guys can pass for that qualification but it takes a partner with an opposite attitude to compliment such persons. This though, would depend on the partner’s willingness to embark on such path with the guy.

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From personal experiences and of course from my counseling sessions with ladies with such experiences, I was able to draw up the following reasons which are open to debate from my dear readers.

  • Some guys can be so discontent and insatiable. They just don’t know what they want, they are neither here nor there and so you just expect those kind of people to keep jumping around and wanting to try out everything supposedly new that comes around.
  • Some other guys just have the sheer desire to misbehave. Wanting their moves to be unpredictable. Wanting to be known as ’’popular’’ (notorious), the badt guy gang thing.
  • Sometimes, it is purely the ladies’ nagging and annoying behavior that pushes the guy to cheat. Taking it as an escape route for peace.
  • Not wanting to be deeply emotionally tied to someone for fear of heartbreak and other emotional issues sometimes makes guys want to cheat.
  • Some guys just cheat for the fun of it! Amazing right? Yes, there are some like that. They feel it as moments of pleasure knowing well what effect it could be having on their partners, while sadly some don’t even realize the hurt and pain and anger they are infusing on their partners.
  • And I think I need to drop here also that cheating does not always necessarily mean with fellow humans but can come in where you deprive your partner of emotional contentment by doing as opposed to how/what you should be doing. This isn’t popularly spoken on but i tell you, it comprises as an act of cheating.

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Surprisingly I thought to ask some of my male colleagues at work on some of their own reasons and mehn the spill was something else. A number of them were quick to defend the action as ‘not-cheating’ rather they say that since it is “in a relationship”, that implies that they are still single and have that level of entitlement of wanting to find the best out of the many ladies they come across, and so many other reasons they gave.

Anyways, as always and as will continue to be on this platform for me… I’m throwing it out to you guys and look forward to your amazing comments and insights on this question, “WHY DO GUYS CHEAT”? because of course your opinions means a lot plus a wider sample range of experiences would do more justice and also, from the perspective of those in question (the guys), it would be more reasonable to draw up conclusions as they are the ones doing the act/ probably know mates doing it. This would also serve as a source of answer and help to other people needing advices on how to reorganize and consciously work on their attitudes… for the ladies to stop pushing out their guys and guys to start comporting themselves in this aspect.

So yea, I am looking forward to this weekend… it is a steal-away from work even though it is for a short while *smiles. I hope you guys have fun too 🙂  .

In The Process Of Loving.

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In The Process Of Loving

Process in all cases, all situations, and all manners is gradual… anywhere, anytime and so in love, it’s no exemption.

The process of loving should be smooth and mutual. Loving requires the heart towards whoever is to receive. I beg to divert a bit here… loving someone isn’t always necessarily romantic, but while in the “process of loving’’, it is always romantic. Here, I love everyone around me, oh yes I do… only I’m in love with just one person… you get the difference in there? Yes, exactly that. I am romantically involved with someone doesn’t mean I stop caring for every other person around me, because love is without condition even when I can’t get anything from loving you, I still would love you and this is the kind of notion expected of from us all. But being in love with someone?  My dear, should be towards one person at a time.

Someone ever told you it’s not possible to romantically love more than more person at a time? Well, I say that’s not true. You can feel romantic love for as many as three persons at the same time,

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but in that instance, you are loving all three for very different reasons and to my opinion does not classify as true love (I leave room for disagreement from you with your reasons because it counts here and on the blog). You can choose to love one person because this person gives you so much attention and love the other person for always being reliable and again love the next person for being open and sincere with you… all these are very different reasons that can cause you to feel love towards someone. In this manner is where being discreet and disciplined comes in. When you choose to be in love with one person, in that person is who you have to find all the reasons for staying in love. In that person is who you cast all your nest of being romantically in love. There you learn to be calm, to be patient, to accept and tolerate, to understand, to recycle thoughts and behaviors, to be better… and all these is a choice, it always doesn’t just happen. You put your mind to making it that way because it is now more than just you in the picture that needs caring.

There is a couple around me that I have chosen to keenly monitor as regards how they share affection. They happen to be in love. Well, that’s up to them to admit but in the while I have known them, it was all a deliberate work towards staying passionate to each other. They chose to recognize the liking they had for each other, then improve it towards the path of something more that they wanted using

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friendship. Yes, friendship… that’s the key to any successful relationship and lasting love. It is knowing that you have a true friend in someone. It is knowing you can always count on someone to be supportive despite your faults. It is realizing you want to be able to keep solid grounds with someone that can correct you and at the same time draw you close in spite of all your wrongdoings. Someone who would always be there, Someone who will choose to stay, Someone who would always listen to you, Someone who would keep your secret, Someone who knows when you feel weak and choose to encourage your strength, Someone who will stand with and for you. All these and more is how to grow steady love towards someone. It is all about trusting and mind/heart opening, coming plain to be accepted for who you really are, leaving nothing shielded. This is your willingness to let love in and I tell you, it is always worth it.

I still remain loving towards you,

Your Sweetheart.

Building Love

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Building Love

So here again we are in another post-day #yayy! Yea, apologies on the delay of the excerpt I promised on ’’The 5 Love Languages’’, I didn’t forget… I only have been having exciting turns of events in my life lately and so the delay. Soon fam, really soon.

A gist has been circulating on my end and I’d so love to let you in on it, but before then tell me… How do you think love happens?

It can be so annoying when you’ve all so heard talks of how you just know someone is the person for you because there’s a tingling feeling whenever you see that person. Or the many tales of love-at-first-sight. Or the many relationships that go down the drain because the partners chose to convince themselves by saying ’’they never really loved themselves”. Or even those marriages that happened because they told themselves they had this strong, fierce sensation about each other. But in times I’ve come to realize that marriage is work, some relationships too are (even though that shouldn’t be necessary). The person you are with determines what the turn of your relationship would be. Here let me say this, In a relationship, it often times should be the guy doing the chasing and pleasing and all (I’m not saying ladies shouldn’t express such gestures but there should be an upper hand from the guy) because at that stage, the lady should feel a level of security in preparation for the next possible stage which is marriage in which case most works ‘might’ be in her jurisdiction.

The previous paragraph is often times wrong if not most, because love doesn’t just happen, you make it happen. Love as I keep saying is intentional, very deliberate and takes effort. It’s now up to you in the relationship to determine how long of that time you want to make it happen and stick.

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Many of the relationships I have seen around me are those where they both have a serious liking for themselves and chose to make it work by growing the affection. It is taking those conscious steps to make what you want happen… and this is where the saying ’’loving takes effort’’ comes to play. It is not being forceful about your feelings but rather means devotion… commitment, to that person you have proposed to love. It is a choice to not stop loving that person. It is a decision to choose that person. It is building that excitement and making the feelings you have for that person count. It is choosing to let that person into your world. It is opening your total imperfect self for the person who has chosen to love and stay by your side. Loving is all you’d have it be except the gushing rush of feelings we’ve all been made to believe it to be.

I’d drop it here to continue from another perspective next week. To the gist… guys how far? I heard you all are fighting for my hand in marriage already… Well, the thing still never reach my side o… where the ring? #hehhe.

RESPECT.

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RESPECT.

What is Respect to you guys?

Could it simply be the kneel-down-to-greet-me everyday gesture from a younger person to an older person? Could it be the worship-me-for-I-am-great personality kinda? Or could it just be the admire-me-let-me-be-your-mentor kinda attitude of fellow persons?

Respect can mean a whole of different things from various perspective amongst categories of individuals and in different situations as places permit.

Respect is due reverence, loyalty and inner admiration for something or someone, simply put. But it sure goes beyond just those in application of gesture. Respect can be when you expect someone to show a form of recognition for a wrong act done by that person, not necessarily apologizing, but the fact that this person acknowledges that something was wrongly expressed could just mean to the offended person that he/she has been shown a little respect… Dignity! Yes, I think that’s the most appropriate word for that expression – Dignity. It is simply protecting the pride of the next person, and I must say to you here that it is way different from being proud… those are two very distinct personality.

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Having pride/dignity is a level of self-esteem and worthiness, not a reproachful act as being proud/ snobbish.

Respect isn’t always just the stand-still-let-me-pass-before-you-can do-anything kind of thing. No, it goes a long way past that. Neither is it just about the age, class, level, sex or whatever you may have or do thing.

Respect they say is honor, an attitude of consideration or high regard for good opinion or prestigious somebody. Respect is – because you admire and put somebody or something in high accord/ esteem. Respect is- you place a level of priority, then you are sincerely polite and acknowledging of a fellow person’s act and words and values and principles. Respect could be about you seeking the opinion or approval on something from somebody you hold dear to your heart or have value for.

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Respect isn’t the shallow bow-down-and-worship-me usual kind of view from the populace. Respect I must say, based on experiences encountered from a sample of persons runs deep and beyond just the surface, and when you lose it would take a lot more than the usual to regain… just as Trust, and so I plead you who is being accorded the respect to even so, Respect it as it is being given (I hope you follow what I mean here).

Respect to me is RECOGNITION, ACKNOWLEDGEMENT, SINCERE and TRUTHFULLY HONORING of a VALUABLE PERSON or CERTAIN SITUATIONS as the atmosphere would justly permit.

Respect, What is Respect to you? You can also put in scenarios… Thank You.

Love Or Lust?

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Love Or Lust?

There’s nothing I ever would say to you here and about relationship or life generally that you’ve never heard, then again I’d say… let’s take reasoning of things from another angle to give a little twitch to it.

Love … Lust … don’t be confused here, yes, they almost have the same pronunciation but are widely apart in meaning.

Permit me to take it from the “Lust” – This is as good as meaning pure infatuation, fleshy desires, crushing, physical satisfaction, sexual arousal, bodily craving, longing for pleasure and all the likes of these that are very temporal and almost unreal.

You feel this guy or lady is totally into you because it seems like they can’t resist the urge to touch you (as in your world now, touching means showing love bah? … my dear, I’m so sorry for you). When the issues start, I tell you, you sure won’t find them hanging around.

Okay don’t get me wrong here, there are times ‘love-making’ is like the only way at that point to express your feel of love for this person, so I’m not saying because you guys get physical it simply means it is pure lust… No, but trust me, there’s a lust for the person in that act. And so I’d need you to understand that there are so many things put together that defines real loving, yes, being physical can be part because let me tell you that from research, it has being concluded that there must be a strong physical attraction between you and the person you intend spending the rest of your live with. Where this attraction is absent is the very start of so many problems of that relationship, but don’t be silly to think that’s a key way to finding your live partner nor base the success of that relationship on the attraction you feel for each other.

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Upon research also, it has been verified that for a guy, they almost would have an erection for every lady they see/meet except on quite rare cases where the lady in question do not appeal to them. So tell me ladies, can that be categorized as love? Will you then tell me it’s just you this guy wants and gets touchy-touchy for? Will you say that it’s a guarantee that you are the one for him or that you are the only one he wants to stay with? (I don’t want to be rude here but truth is I can’t help laughing at the shallowness of that thought!). It is a little unfortunate though that some people just misuse the opportunity they get from their partner who in the event of wanting to show the sincerity of their feelings get trapped in the swirl of emotions from their partner. But my dears, I say that is life and life would always happen… so, pick yourself, dust off and move on!. Get your act and shit together.

Love, Love… Love is sweet, Love is perfect (if there’s anything as that or the least bit close to it). It is the “Only” when stuff gets stiff or extreme. Love is much more than just the words spoken, it is the feeling shared and the action given… So I say,

Stop CONFESSING what you think you feel and Start MANIFESTING what you know and believe!

Love is when you see something could be off in a situation yet you choose to trust (but my dear, I’d tell you to take your brain along!)

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Irrespective of anything else, Love is everything desirable and of compromises made which you may never have to voice the sacrifices made (For this, I’d love over and over again in spite of hurts faced). Love is where your heart is and where that is, you’d always go. Nothing can hold love back and no way can anything get in its way… not pride, not ego, not time. Love can’t wait to give but Lust can’t wait to receive.

In all, Love is peace of mind… despite the in and out, ups and downs that comes with situations… LOVE IS GOLD!

Hey guys, I do hope you found this article worth the read. Tell me, do you think you can tell apart the difference of these two feelings in your emotions? I look forward to your responses. Thank you and lovely weekend ahead friends.

 

… Because Love Is Never Enough.

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… Because Love Is Never Enough.

Have you ever wondered why some relationships don’t end in marriage? Or why some marriages don’t succeed, couples living in the agony of having to accommodate themselves? Had to think of how, along a dating relationship it seems like you no longer had the crazy bubbles you initially did, then you wonder if you still love this person or ever did?  Ever had to think of why not all dating couples get to marry because there is always something petty that springs up and causes argument? Then you are amazed at how even some couples who don’t seem readily in love are able to pull through the storm, ending up well?

At this point you’d begin to realize how… Love isn’t all it takes to keep a relationship or marriage going.

I’ve got to this point quite a number of moments in my personal life and again I brisk myself out of this thought (just in case it is a negative one, ha-ha). But here again I am forced back into this realization. I’ve always tried to push this thought to the last of my brain archive in an attempt to make love move to its uppermost ability #smiling, but somehow in the event of life, it always gush back.

… And then I found this e-book!

Let’s take it from the top here…

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We all must know that indeed Loving is deliberate. It is a conscious act and effort to accepting the whole of another person not because they are perfect or deserving of it but because it is who you ar­­­­­­e (1 John 2 vs 5), (1 John 4 vs 8, 12,16). – And this is only if you know Christ (1 John 5 vs 1), else that love is not a true kind of love (1 John 4 vs 20).

I still remember telling somebody very recently in one of my counseling sessions how I knew Love was almost never the issue in a relationship but the Act of Forgiving is. We humans get tired of accommodating! It could be understanding especially when the offender in that case just insist on doing the same mistake over and over, not wanting to adhere to correction or just plainly stubborn. But let me tell you here that some people seem to be doing the same mistakes because they happen to be doing it in a different way perhaps. It becomes a responsibility for you “the offended” to have the heart of patience and the display of the many fruits of the spirit (Galatians 5 vs 22-23). Times will come when it would seem impossible to go ahead with this person you thought you loved. Times where this person just seem too difficult to understand or accept. In those times, we can call “Test of Love”, something much more than love or other than love has to be used to ‘bring’ back the seemingly lost love.

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So, let me with pleasure refer you to this e-book I earlier spoke about, which I’m also still digesting to get even other meanings to things I’ve learnt from it … By GARY CHAPMAN titled “Things I wish I knew Before Getting Married”. Marriage and even the stages before it would definitely be much better with knowledge as this as indeed, Love is much more than ‘the tingles’ we feel. And yes, also by same author—I’m looking forward to doing an excerpt here on the blog from one of his other books “The Five Love Languages” soon… I’m excited already!

You want a copy of the e-book? Then just ping me on D622EFBA or via email- Horptieluv4ril@yahoo.com – indicating in the subject your request, and I’d gladly share (it’s FREE). You could also decide to download online. Kindly read my ABOUT page to follow up on our social media platforms, Thank You.